The Ultimate Trust Fall
Faith has been on my mind quite a bit lately as we approach May 7th. Last October, Adam and I felt like God told us we would leave for Costa Rica on May 7th (one of the entry dates for language school). We had set our sights for September 2014 or even January 2015, but if God wanted us in Costa Rica sooner we were excited to see it happen.
Now that we are less than two months from potentially leaving, my initial reaction of “Cool! May 7th it is!” is being tested. We still need about $1,450 in monthly commitments and $25,000 in cash – most of that by the end of this month – and some (most) days that seems like a crazy expectation.
I’ve heard that faith is putting God’s reputation on the line, as if our faith reflects back on God’s power and abilities, but honestly, it seems like May 7th is putting my reputation on the line. Did I truly hear from God? Did I make a mistake? If we don’t fully raise our budget by May, will that make me look bad or does it make God look bad? Truthfully, I think it will make me look bad. God doesn’t make mistakes, right?
But ever since we reached 80% of our monthly budget, ever since we received that text from a pastor saying his church was picking us up for $300/month, my life has changed. What I thought was such a strong passion for Costa Rica and the people there has turned into an all-consuming, raging fire in my soul. It has truly taken over my life. I was just telling a friend that I have never been so consumed by anything in my life. I live, eat, sleep, and breathe this passion – I’m hardly hungry anymore, I have a hard time sleeping. WE MUST GET TO COSTA RICA. I feel like God is waiting for us there, and we must go to Him. I’m having a hard time caring about my reputation anymore.
I feel like I’m facing a dilemma between the value of my reputation and the value of seeing God do an incredible miracle – my reputation is not that valuable. I know that this may not go as I would like. I may end up looking like a fool, falling on my face, looking like I made a mistake. OR. I may end up seeing the power of God. I may end up seeing God move Heaven and Earth to have us in Costa Rica May 7th. I may end up seeing a miracle.
God gave us a crazy dream, and we are all in. It’s on Him now, and we can’t wait to see how He’ll work this out…I hope He catches us.